La mer allee

[ASOIAF] A Whore (Shae)

2008-10-29T00:09:44Z

Title: A Whore
Fandom: A Song of Ice and Fire
Characters/Pairings: Shae, Tyrion/Shae, sort of
Length: 587 words
Notes: Many thanks to the awesome redcandle17 who is great at canon facts checking. When I planned this fic, I initially wanted to make a compare and contrast portrayal of 5 prostitute characters in five different fandoms (for the curious people : Esmenet in Prince of Nothing, Karen in X, Phèdre in the Kushiel's series, and Inara in Firefly were the others), however only Shae's voice was loud, clear, demanding to be heard to my imagination so the others never got written. In fact Shae was so demanding to be heard that after letting this fic fester for a few months on my harddrive, she kept asking me to post it and that's why I did^_^;;

I was murdered by my lover, by my patron, when I was eighteen.

It was not surprising; few whores live long lives. I had hoped I was clever enough to escape such a fate, but there you go.

He thought he loved me, pretended to act like it, yet he never gave me anything of importance. Gave me some jewels and beautiful dresses, then took it all away from me at the first excuse. He didn't treat me like a lady of his court, not even when he was Hand of the King and the King was but a thirteen year old boy. Let me tell you, I didn't fuck him so I could have the privilege to work as a maid, yet that is exactly what me made me do. Yes, I had hoped for more. How foolish of me; I was just a whore.

He said he was afraid for me. Ha! Then he murdered me.

He wrapped that gold chain around my neck, and squeezed and squeezed, and watched all the breath run away from my throat, and my face turn ugly and blue, and my mouth that he'd kissed a thousand times gape like a dead, slobbering fish until it shuddered no more. That's love for you.

He said I had betrayed him. What a laugh! I was a whore. I was his whore, as long as he paid for me. He had my body, he had my lips, he had my cunt, and he had my sweet, honeyed words. I was a good whore, I was clever and skilled and good at making him feel loved, which is what he wanted.

I never said my soul was for sale as well.

Everyone turned against him, not just me. Every one of his friends, lackeys, minions and servants. He didn't kill them all. Just me. Of course, he hadn't fucked the others.

For what? Fucking his father? I was a whore, what did he expect? Fuck him, fuck them, him and his father, and all those Lords and their gold, and the way they treat us as if for a kiss or one gentle word, once, we should belong only to them now and forever.

Yes, I wanted a lord. When his man asked for a whore for his Lordship at the followers' camp, I thought it was my chance. No more rough soldiers for pretty Shae. My mother always said I was a quick one. I thought I could enrapture him, thought I could earn my retirement. Glory! Soldiers dream of it, why couldn't I?

No, he didn't kill me for betraying him. He didn't even kill me for not loving him, he was content with a pretence to wrap his poor, chilled pride in.

He killed me because I had dared to mock him.

For that one moment when all the lords and ladies were listening to a poor whore like me. When I had their attention, and they laughed, with me, at one of their peers, who had fucked me. Glory.

He felt humiliated, I guess.

I had laid down on my back and let this little ugly dwarf fuck me with his little ugly cock countless times, but for daring to mock him, for daring to say the little, ugly truth… my dwarf who thought he was a giant.

He felt humiliated.

I died when I was eighteen, I had been a whore for almost half of my life. Let me tell you, the dwarf knows nothing of humiliation.

[TBX] Five minutes before Time Yet

2008-06-05T11:57:59Z

Title: Five minutes before Time Yet
Fandom: TB/X
Characters/Pairings: Seishirou, Hokuto
Length: 100 words
Notes: for solesakuma for the timespan meme. Prequel to Time Yet.

Eventually he tired of the chase. She was nothing if not persistent, but she was not his prey. Like everything else, whatever interest she held faded into boredom.

From the foot of the Sakura he watched Hokuto come in the white shikifuku she had no right to. Did she think she could substitute for her brother? He would disabuse her of the notion. Neither had she the strength to threaten him.

"I want you to kill me," she said. Curiosity rekindled. Perhaps there were amusement left in this game. Perhaps Sleeping Beauty would wake from his sister's kiss of death.

[TBX] Five hours after Lighning Could Strike

2008-06-01T21:37:22Z

Title: Five hours after Lighning could strike
Fandom: TB/X
Characters/Pairings: Sorata
Length: 139 words
Notes: Done for mithrigil for the timestamp meme. Sequel to Lighning Could Strike.

During the trip back to Osaka, Sora-chan dreamed of the girl’s smile. She was very pretty, but she should smile more, he thought. He should have asked her for her name, he wondered if he’d see her again.

He forgot about it when they arrived with the excitement of seeing his mother again.

It was also raining, like in Tokyo, so he tried making lightning bow for her also, while telling her about the school trip. Maybe her eyes would lit up like the girl?

He looked up to her and saw her frozen face. "Mum?" He said, but thunder rang, and drowned his voice.

That evening, his father told him he was a special boy who'll have to be taken care of in a special place, but all he could think of was how his mother kept crying.

[ASOIAF] Five minutes before Lies

2008-06-01T21:31:16Z

Title: Five minutes before lies
Fandom: ASOIAF
Characters/Pairings: Sandor & Sansa
Length: 100 words
Notes: Done for redcandle17 for the timestamp meme. Prequel to Lies.

The hair’s different, but he recognizes her anyway. He’s had enough nightmares.

She passes in front of him, eyes downcast, and doesn’t look at him. Almost a relief.

Littlefinger’s natural daughter, he’s told, if that isn’t a laugh! Good for her, if he can protect her. Not like Sandor’s done a good job of it. And now with that rotten leg… He’s got to ask even so.

He sneaks up to her chambers and watches her blue eyes widen when she sees him. For once, she doesn’t look away, and his words get all mixed up.

[TBX] Bindings (Subaru)

2008-06-01T17:06:34Z

Title: Bindings
Fandom: TB/X
Characters/Pairings: Subaru
Length: 112 words
Notes: done for a_white_rain

Subaru's breath is short and gasping. He can hardly move. He doesn't want to move. There's blood everywhere. The woman's body hangs from the lustre with red ribbons, head down, hair falling limply. Her eyes are blank and green.

Subaru's hands are searing cold, his arms are loose, dangling lamely. He could do- he can't. He clings himself tightly and falls to his knee.

Red ribbons, strangling her, spreading her. Like a spider's web. A cat's cradle. Almost pretty.

Dead, bound, tightly held, and he-

She's dead. She's dead. His fault, as much as anyone is to blame, but he-

Twin strings of self-loathing and yearning threaten to throttle him.

-envies her.

[HP] Wild Flowers (Root Cutting Remix) (Neville)

2008-04-27T10:54:21Z

Title: Wild flowers (Root Cutting Remix)
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters/Pairings: Neville, Augusta, OC
Summary: Flowers bloom, and children grow up.

Length: 1024 words
Notes: Remix of Summer Roses by msmoocow. Much love to redcandle17 for the emergency beta work ♥

( Faked cut )

[TBX] Three facts about Seishirou

2008-04-22T15:04:51Z

Title: Three facts about Seishirou
Fandom: Tokyo Babylon/X
Characters/Pairings: Seishirou, Setsuka, Subaru
Lenght: 328 words
Notes: Started for bitterfig, added another bit for a_white_rain, then reworked somewhat into this form.

1.

Seishirou didn't remember when he realised his mother lived in a cage. It was a very pretty cage, of course, gilded and enamelled red with Camellia flowers. It was a cage nonetheless and Setsuka lived in it like a deadly, deceptively delicate doll, still and lovely until she was told to kill and did.

It was a simple, orderly life, even Seishirou could see the appeal in that, yet he also saw the restrains and wondered if they chafed, if Setsuka ever wanted anything from beyond the cage, from over the horizon.

He asked her once. Setsuka tilted her head birdlike, eyes deep and blank when she said, "I have you."

He'd shuddered. One day, he will be the keeper of the Sakura grave, and this is not the kind of keeper he wants to be. He will not be bound to the tree as his mother. He will play his own games.

2.

Seishirou started smoking in order to heckle his mother. Everything was always neat, perfect, graceful at the Sakurazuka's home. Fragile, almost, as if mere breathing could shatter it. Smoke was breath - stale, toxic breath which Seishirou relished.

He watched Setsuka's eyes narrow each time she caught him smoking and he smiled lazily at her with the confidence of younger challengers.

Soon, he thought. He was fourteen year old.

3.

He kept a bonsai in his apartment. It amused him, like a mise-en-abyme. I keep a tree that keeps me who keeps a tree. It was torture and balance and perfection all in one tiny vegetal experiment.

Later, he would think of Subaru as his own human-shaped bonsai tree. Little cuts and deft touch to make him grow and keeps him narrow just the way he wanted him. It was the tension he enjoyed, the way Subaru struggled in his ties, ensnaring himself further in. Not still, yet lovely; fragile, yet enduring; poisoned, yet pure still – the perfect symmetry between order and disorder.

[ASOIAF] Motherly Advice (Cersei/Sansa)

2008-04-19T12:06:26Z

Title: Motherly Advice
Fandom: ASOIAF
Characters/Pairing: Cersei/Sansa
Warnings: Graphic sex, non con
Lenght: 475 words
Summary: It was only proper, really, she was the closest thing the girl had to a mother here, so she should be the one giving her advice before her bedding.
Notes: Done for redcandle17 for the notafanficcomm's smut exchange (original post here, under flock).

It will be a shame. Giving the Stark girl to her ugly brother. Especially after having been promised to her Joffrey.

Poor thing. That will teach her. She never did listen when Cersei had explained to her what a woman’s lot was.

Yet, it was a shame. For Tyrion to get such a prize. A young, pretty girl like her for an ugly dwarf. That was unfair.

Cersei could think of a way to spoil it for him. It was only proper, really, she was the closest thing the girl had to a mother here, so she should be the one giving her advice before her bedding.

She had Sansa led to her chambers.

The girl looked up at her from behind lowered lids, full of pretended innocence. Cersei touched her chin up.

“You’re a maid flowered. There are thing you must know.”

“Your Grace?” Sansa said.

Cersei smiled at her.

When Cersei told her to strip naked, she flushed but didn’t dare to protest. She looked a little bit silly, so red and pink standing naked in the cold room. She was pretty enough, she guessed, but without grace.

She voiced a delicious muffled sound when Cersei pinched her breast.

“You’ll have to be ready, for when a man will do that to you.”

The girl tensed underneath Cersei’s hands. “Joffrey-”

“Oh, no. Not Joffrey. You didn’t think you were still good enough for my son, you little treacherous slut.”

Sansa shivered. Cersei removed her hand, looking at the red marks her fingers had left on her skin.

“Look what you’ve made me do.” She paused. “It will be very much the same with you Lord Husband – whoever that will be. You may anger him, and you’ll always have to pay the price. Do you understand?”

The girl nodded shyly.

“Good. Now onto the good part.” Her hands reached once more to the naked girl. “Let me show you how to use your cunt.”

It took a goddamned time before rubbing the nub above her slit did anything to wet her properly, but by that time Sansa was breathing pleasantly fast and making slight motion with her hips along Cersei’s movements. Cersei slipped a finger inside her cunt, then, not caring to be gentle.

“Oh,” Sansa said. Her lips very round and very red.

“Of course,” Cersei said pleasantly. “You’ll have to imagine something bigger when it’ll be with you husband.” And slipped another finger.

The girl gasped, wavering, so Cersei used her other hand to push her onto the bed.

Later on, she had Sansa pleasure her, using her pretty mouth for more interesting things than her inane blather of courtesies.

After she had the girl taken back to her room, Cersei fell asleep pondering half-hatched plans to prevent her wedding to Tyrion. It would be a real shame to leave her for that ugly dwarf.

[Atla] Psyche's Contemplation (Azula/Zuko)

2008-02-18T10:37:52Z

Title: Psyche's Contemplation
Fandom: Avatar
Characters/Pairings: mild Azula/Zuko
Length: 510 words
Warnings: Candle play
Summary: When she had been a little girl, she had used to dream of what having the perfect big brother would be.
Notes: Many thanks to cyrulean for her beta work.

He was too soft. Lying on the bed, face entwined by the wavering lights and shadows of candlelight, he was softer than ever. A study in chiaroscuro.

He was supposed to be harsh, to be strong, to be made of obsidian-sharp edges and blazing lightning. Like her. Like their father.

She bent over him, and the shadows merged even more, twisting lines on his scar like a dual mask. He looked unwhole, confused and needy.

When she had been a little girl, she had used to dream of what having the perfect big brother would be. It had been silly, of course. Much better for her to have a foolish brother, so as to shine the better in the eyes of their father and one day inherit the throne.

Yet she had dreamed.

She laid one index over his pouting low lip. Full and soft. Fire wasn’t supposed to be soft. It was supposed to burn, to scorch, to blacken, to devour, to melt and forge; to remake old things into new things, soft things into steel.

She smiled.

One drop of wax flowed down from the candle and stroked his collarbone. He woke up with a start, eyelids fluttering out of sleep.

“Azula…?”

She pressed her finger tighter to his lips. “Shush.”

He looked up at her obediently. “I should have been the elder brother and you the little sister,” she said.

He started to protest but she tilted her hands just slightly, so that more wax fell down on his skin, and the protest got lost in the following gasp.

She wanted him stripped; she wanted him cut and sliced open, up to the barren bones and burnt stark. She wanted to see if there were hard things hidden in that softness of his.

She joined two fingers, as if to call her blue fire, and set them on the crack of his collarbone, watched him swallow; let her fingers trail slowly, slowly over the length of his breastbone. Where her finger led, she let the wax follow, eliciting more intake of breath from him.

“Azula!” Anger was ever his smokescreen, to hide within its confounding curls and twirls.

Her hand had reached his stomach, and the wax pooled in the belly button.

“Zuko!” She mocked in mirroring tone.

“Stop it.”

She arched her eyebrow at him. “Why?”

He flushed. Too soft, too soft; and the skin under her fingers so warm.

“Because,” he countered.

“I was wondering, big brother,” she moved closer to him, whispered to his ear, “if there was anything hard in you.”

He roared and pushed her, but she evaded easily, flowing out of his range with a laugh. The candle fell, forgotten, onto the cold tiles.

“You’re such a fool, Zuzu.” She smirked at him.

He stood, naked and breathless with rage, ever so pliable to her every plays. Still soft, even when furiously heated.

She turned and walked away. There was only so much that even the best smith could do if the material was unworthy.

Still. It was fun to try.

[asoiaf] New era (Renly/Loras)

2008-02-04T18:17:51Z

Title: New era
Fandom: A Song of Ice and Fire
Characters/Pairing: Renly/Loras
Length: 100 words.
Warnings: Smutty.
Notes: Written for the Kingsguard challenge at asoiaf100

( Fake cut OMG )

[HP/TB] ... killed the cat

2008-02-03T21:10:06Z

Title: ... killed the cat
Fandoms: Tokyo Babylon / Harry Potter
Characters/Pairing: implied Severus/Remus, Seishirou, mentions of others
Length: 466 words
Warnings: Crack.
Notes: for the lovely bronze_ribbons who did make me go O_O with her request.

“A cat?” Sakurazuka said, disbelievingly. “You want me to kill a cat?”

“Not any cat! A magical cat. A curse in cat form. Or a ghost cat,” Remus trailed on.

“Interesting.”

Severus took a second to appreciate the subtle sarcasm of his voice. The man was good.

“Anyway,” Remus went on, “we can’t get rid of it by any means. We tried poison, magical mice, getting a dog-“

Severus let out of growl at the memory of this horrible week when Sirius had crashed on their couch.

“- and quite of few of our own curses. Nothing did it. The cat always came back.”

Sakurazuka dragged on his cigarette. “So you thought to try omyoujitsu.”

“You’re our last chance. You have to save us,” said Remus. Severus had a suspicion from a hint of a tone of his voice that Remus was enjoying himself far too much. Blasted werewolf.

“How did you think of asking me to help? I don’t usually take charge of this type of job. I’m sure another omnyouji would satisfy you better. I could even recommend you one.”

Remus smiled. “Well, we’d heard you were very good at killing…”

“- people. I’m good at killing people.” The man smirked charmingly. If Severus hadn’t spent a good time of his life hanging out with fanatical killers he even might have been impressed.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Remus said with a shrug. “Our friend told us you had got a big number of pets of all kinds killed at some point. Said you were a real expert at it.”

Sakurazuka blinked. “The friend who told you this, who was it again?”

“Oh. Just a ghost that lives with us. Her name’s Hokuto.” Remus paused, looking at the man’s reaction. “She wanted us to tell you she disapproved of the way you were fulfilling her wish.”

The frown on Sakurazuka’s face was fleeting. “I’m afraid Hokuto-chan will have to content herself with being unsatisfied.”

“A shame,” Remus said.

“Perhaps. Although it’s not really any of your business.”

Severus spoke for the first time since the introduction, “Well, you know what they say about curiosity.”

Sakurazuka had a small smile, and stood up.

“In this case, I don’t suppose you need my service any longuer. Say hello to Hokuto-chan from me. I think I did miss her sense of humour.”

Severus and Remus watched him leave.

“He liked her sense of humour?” Severus said doubtfully.

“Well, she is charming in her way. And she was a great help redecorating the flat,” Remus commented.

Severus glared at him.

Remus laughed softly. “Anyway I suppose now that we’ve fulfilled her request, we won’t be haunted anymore with the cat.”

“I certainly hope so.”

“Although…”

“What?”

“Maybe you should consider trying out one of the costume she designed for you. I thought they were very fetching.”

Severus groaned.

[asoiaf] Useful (Brienne)

2008-02-02T17:09:57Z

Title: Useful
Fandom: A Song of Ice and Fire
Characters/Pairing: Brienne, OC
Length: 493 words
Notes: Done for lodessa for a gen ficlet exchange. Many thanks to redcandle17 for the beta job. Also posted here under flock.

She was watching them practice again.

She sat stiffly; knees and ankles pressed together, hands on her lap. Her eyes were intent on their every move, her expression one of severe concentration.

Ser Goodwin sighed, and called the end of the practice session. He should probably talk to Lord Selwyn about this. Any other maid, he would have assumed she was there to watch some handsome lad, but not Brienne. Ser Goodwin had lived at Evenfall Hall for the last fifteen years and he had known Brienne all her life.

She had never been a pretty child, but she had been only a child then, laughing when she ran, serious when she listened to tales. She had grown up, grown strong, grown uglier with each passing years, laughing less and less; awkward always, deprived of the gracefulness the Mother bestowed onto women.

Brienne wouldn’t be trying to catch the eye of any handsome lad. She had suffered enough from Ronnet Connington’s rose.

Well. He might as well ask her, he supposed. No harm in that.

She looked up at him, lips tight, hands clasped, ready to be rebuffed.

“I want to learn how to fight,” she said, earnest enough he wanted to laugh.

“Why would you want that, m’lady? It’s not a proper pastime for a maid.”

She darkened. “Evidently, I’m not good at being a proper maid.”

“Don’t say that. One day, your Lord Father will find you a good husband and…”

“That will never happen,” she stated. “I’m not beautiful enough, so I want to be useful at something. I’m strong. I’m taller than most of the boys. I’m sure I could be good at fighting.”

Give her something to weary her, and she’ll lose interest, he thought.

He told her to strike at a tree with a wooden sword and left her, thinking to come back before sunset. Long enough for a young, noble girl to get tired of it.

Then he found two of the men-at-arms in a scrape, had to separate them, unravel the issue and see to their punishment. He only remembered her when Septa Roelle asked him if he hadn’t seen Lady Brienne.

It was dark by then, and raining. She was still hitting the trunk with the wooden sword; repetitive, measured strokes in which he could almost hear the pain in her arms. There was a gap in the wood, where she was battering.

“You can stop now,” he said gently, as if the softness of his tone could lend her the softness she lacked.

She looked back at him, trembling with fatigue.

“I’ll ask your Lord Father if I may teach you,” he said.

She smiled then. It was a rare smile, for Brienne. It wasn’t even a pretty smile, but it was warm.

He tried to warn her, “I am not doing you a favour.” It was far too late for that. The Gods hadn’t done her a favour in the first place.

DVD commentary : Weaknesses (Ozai)

2008-02-02T16:52:11Z

Original fic : http://la-mer-allee.livejournal.com/14832.html

There’s a long thread over at the AvatarSpirit forum with the question “Does Ozai love Zuko”, which I had read some time before writing this. Someone on that thread was amused that so many pages were spent discussing this question when it’s obvious Ozai did treat Zuko like shit. What loving father would do such things to his son? This is my own answer to the question, in a way.

Anyway this bunnied when I wondered what if would be like for Ozai to see his son around after having accepted to kill him, as a daily reminder of the power Azulon had had over him, and of Ursa’s own action. Everything unfolded from there.

This was mainly about Ozai’s relationship with Zuko, but since Ozai’s other family relationship were intricately linked to that, I had to deal with them as well. So I decided on the five fold structure with every family member.

Azulon

When his father requires the death of his son, Ozai thinks of begging. He is not heartless. He loves Zuko.

So we start with Ozai having / claiming that he had the “natural” reaction there. I need to establish that Ozai did care somewhat for his son, that he wasn’t entirely sociopathic about the whole deal (because sociopathy makes for boring writing, Seishirou excluded).
But the tone is already one for defensive rationalization.

But this is his father in front of him, and his father wouldn’t hesitate to kill his own son (his second son, at least), if he didn’t obey him.

Setting up the sibling rivalry with Iroh, and Azulon’s obvious favouring him, to Ozai’s annoyance. Also pointing out that at this point, Azulon is the outrageously cruel one. Because asking for your son to murder your grandson, after you’ve already lost your grandson and no matter what a giant ass your son is, that’s seriously fucked up.
And yes, Ozai is entirely scared shitless of his own father. That kind of cruelty is the sort of thing that gets recycled in families after all.

He is not Iroh, he is not weak. This death will not undo him. That’s exactly why he’d make a better a Firelord than his fool of a brother.

Ozai is very good at rationalization. He’s just accepted to kill his own son because he’s afraid his own father would kill him, yet he’s already respinning it as a proof of his great strength than his brother. This is of course in line with the logic he put up to Azulon, since he’s just argued that Iroh would make a bad Firelord because he crumbled when his son died, he has to take the opposite direction.

He would kill his son rather than die.

I don’t believe much in parental instincts. Lots of parents would die to save their children (lots of parents have), but lots of parents wouldn’t. And parents who abuse and kill their own children are also legions. This all reminds me of discussions I saw in the HP fandom about Lily’s death…

Truly, he is his father’s son.

There’s a little bit of Tywin & Tyrion inspiration in this line. I almost quoted from A Song of Ice and Fire in the beginning of the drabbles. ("It all goes back and back, to our mothers and fathers and theirs before them. We are puppets dancing on the strings of those who came before us, and one day our own children will take up our strings and dance in our steads.")

If only the old bastard could see that.

In many ways, Ozai is just as desperate for his father’s approval as Zuko is for Ozai’s. Except it’s been a long time since Ozai thought of his father with love and respect.

Ursa

Their marriage is of convenience, of course, and he always showed the dutiful amount of respect and affection. Anything more would be a shameful display of his weakness.

I see Ozai as a perfectionist, must like his daughter. He needs to be in perfectly in control of himself. He sees his love for Ursa as a weakness; he never even admits to himself that he does love her in other way than calling it his weakness.

Ursa isn’t so quiet with her emotions, which never fails to unsettle him. Ursa angry with the unexpected knowledge of his discussion with the Firelord is especially disquieting, but it is the contempt that freezes him.

Ursa is seriously awesome and kicks ass. And this “Azula told me you were planning to kill our son at your dad’s request, WTF?!” is the sound of Ozai just earning perpetual scorn from his wife. Ouch.

He lets her murder Father, not for his throne (not why she did it) but for the intensity of that look.

Ozai displays great emotional maturity by being jealous of his own son because his wife would do a murder for Zuko’s sake, but not for the sake of his own ascension to the throne. XD

He banishes her (not for his sake that she acted) and learns to hate her.

I don’t think this was a very difficult task for Ozai. He’s quite spiteful about feeling humiliated. Hence his swift reaction in DotBS.

Iroh

When Iroh finally returns, he welcomes him kindly, as a brother. Ozai cannot wait to see how Iroh will take his own ascension to the throne. Cannot wait to see Iroh bow to him.

He is soon disappointed when his brother shows only jovial indifference.

Hahaha, Ozai is all ready to show up in order to humiliate his brother and Iroh couldn’t care less. Again with the emotional maturity.

Yet one more proof that Ozai was the only one of Azulon’s son with the inner strength to ascend to Firelord.

Keep saying so, and it might make it true.

Iroh laughs, makes tea, chats with courtesan and plays with Zuko.

Ozai’s got to admire his brother’s sly craft, taking his revenge by trying to steal his son from right under his nose.

Yeah, sure. Iroh doesn’t take care of Zuko because you’re treating your son like shit and he misses his own, but it’s actually part of an elaborate, nefarious plot to take you down. Oh, Ozai, you are as overdramatic as your son.

Zuko

In three years he hasn’t seen his son’s face without thinking that he could have killed him (contempt in Ursa’s eyes). A wife for a son, he’s wondered, (her son over her husband) was it a fair trade? He has another child after all, or could have other sons yet.

Back to my bunny idea, Ozai is still mulling this over, still feeling humiliated by his assent and by Ursa’s scorn, and his own jealousy. That’s affected his treatment of Zuko all this time. If he was ready to kill Zuko, then of course Zuko couldn’t have been worthy of his love and his protection. That’s how rationalization works.

Zuko has always been too undisciplined, too weak from his mother’s coddling. Iroh’s meddling hasn’t helped.

And his jealousy over Zuko spending time with Iroh isn’t helping either.

It is high time to teach him a lesson.

He’s seizing the first pretext to lash out, as much against the accumulated feelings of humiliation and unavowed guilt as against Zuko.

Ozai doesn’t worry when Iroh leaves with Zuko. His son won’t forget who he owes his life to, now. It is written over his face.

Ozai basically branding his son with his mark serves two things, asserting that it is his right to take his son’s life as yet another justification, and reminding Zuko who his father is to foil Iroh’s proximity to him (a lesson in respect, in his own word). In a way this works, for a while, Zuko does spend some time obsessing over how to satisfy his father.

Azula

Ozai is never foolish enough to trust his daughter more than he ought to. He knows her, after all, as he knows himself. All of her mother’s beauty, and all of his cold mind. She always knows how to flatter him. She always satisfies him with her firebending skills. She makes a deadly weapon, when he needs it, always reliable for her viciousness, cunning and ambition.

After the interrelation of Ozai’s feelings for Azulon, Ursa, Iroh and Zuko, Azula’s drabble is almost an afterthought. Surprisingly irrelevant to his opinion of Zuko apart from the fact Ozai is entirely satisfied (yet not trusting) of Azula. Yet, she is a weapon, a tool; someone in whom Ozai doesn’t have the same emotional investment of the previous drabbles.

Truly, Azula is her father’s son. She is a perfect daughter, without any weaknesses.

Paralell with Ozai’s thought of being Azulon’s true son.

Sometimes he wonders why he doesn’t love her.

I had fun with this, inverting the assumptions: Azula, the daughter he favours is the one he states not loving, Zuko, the son he abuses, is the one he states loving at the beginning.
Tied up with his assessment that she is his true daughter (like he was Azulon’s true son), that makes a stark evidence of what he should think of himself.

But never for long, such things do not matter to a Firelord.

Not, of course, that Ozai would spend time thinking of that. He’s must too good at rationalization for that.

[Atla] Weakness

2008-01-16T00:54:37Z

Title: Weaknesses
Fandom: Avatar: the last airbender
Characters/Pairings: Ozai (Azulon, Ursa, Iroh, Zuko, Azula)
Length: 5x100 words

Azulon

When his father requires the death of his son, Ozai thinks of begging. He is not heartless. He loves Zuko. But this is his father in front of him, and his father wouldn’t hesitate to kill his own son (his second son, at least), if he didn’t obey him.

He is not Iroh, he is not weak. This death will not undo him. That’s exactly why he’d make a better a Firelord than his fool of a brother.

He would kill his son rather than die. Truly, he is his father’s son.

If only the old bastard could see that.

Ursa

Their marriage is of convenience, of course, and he always showed the dutiful amount of respect and affection. Anything more would be a shameful display of his weakness.

Ursa isn’t so quiet with her emotions, which never fails to unsettle him. Ursa angry with the unexpected knowledge of his discussion with the Firelord is especially disquieting, but it is the contempt that freezes him.

He lets her murder Father, not for his throne (not why she did it) but for the intensity of that look.

He banishes her (not for his sake that she acted) and learns to hate her.

Iroh

When Iroh finally returns, he welcomes him kindly, as a brother. Ozai cannot wait to see how Iroh will take his own ascension to the throne. Cannot wait to see Iroh bow to him.

He is soon disappointed when his brother shows only jovial indifference.

Yet one more proof that Ozai was the only one of Azulon’s son with the inner strength to ascend to Firelord.

Iroh laughs, makes tea, chats with courtesan and plays with Zuko.

Ozai’s got to admire his brother’s sly craft, taking his revenge by trying to steal his son from right under his nose.

Zuko

In three years he hasn’t seen his son’s face without thinking that he could have killed him (contempt in Ursa’s eyes). A wife for a son, he’s wondered, (her son over her husband) was it a fair trade? He has another child after all, or could have other sons yet.

Zuko has always been too undisciplined, too weak from his mother’s coddling. Iroh’s meddling hasn’t helped.

It is high time to teach him a lesson.

Ozai doesn’t worry when Iroh leaves with Zuko. His son won’t forget who he owes his life to, now. It is written over his face.

Azula

Ozai is never foolish enough to trust his daughter more than he ought to. He knows her, after all, as he knows himself. All of her mother’s beauty, and all of his cold mind. She always knows how to flatter him. She always satisfies him with her firebending skills. She makes a deadly weapon, when he needs it, always reliable for her viciousness, cunning and ambition.

Truly, Azula is her father’s son. She is a perfect daughter, without any weaknesses.

Sometimes he wonders why he doesn’t love her. But never for long, such things do not matter to a Firelord.

[TB] Winter

2008-01-10T23:32:07Z

Title: Winter
Fandom: TB/X
Characters/Pairings: Subaru
Length: 100 words

Winter is a time for joy. For snowball fights (red gloves not so conspicuous for once), and hot chocolate, and drawing patterns over the window’s frost (Hokuto writes names and a heart, but he doesn’t look at them and the writing’s meaningless).

Winter is a time for laughter, for camaraderie. For building snowmen-

(He kind of looks like you Sei-chan!

Really? Do you think I am that cold a person?)

Winter is upon them, now. It might be their last. Subaru doesn’t want the end of seasons, yet he cannot help but dread springtime.

Spring is a time for despair.

Sugar

2007-12-27T14:03:08Z

Title: Sugar
Fandom: TB/X
Characters/Pairings: Hokuto, Karen
Length: 120 words
Notes: Gift for cyrulean

She took her tea sweet. She would add loads and loads of sugar, and sometimes milk and honey too. Seishirou liked to tease her about it. Sugar with tea, he called it.

She hated the bitter taste of traditionnal Japanese tea which her grandma prepared. Subaru would drink it, of course, but she’d never succeeded in getting him to admit whether he liked it or not.

“What news of Subaru-kun?” Karen asked gently, after she’d finished mixing sugar in hot water.

Hokuto looked up and smiled mechanicaly. “Nothing yet, but I’m close, I can feel it.”

Karen nodded slightly, sympathy in her eyes.

Hokuto brought the cup to her lips. It was funny, really. So much sugar, and it still tasted of tears.

[HP drabble] Aconite

2007-12-27T00:36:17Z

Title: Aconite
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters/Pairings: Walden McNair/Remus
Length: 313 words
Warnings: Graphic sex, BDSM.
Notes:Gift for catrionamacnair

The room stinks so much Remus cannot even smell his own stench. The rust makes odd patterns on the concrete walls, and the lone light bulb hangs from the curved cellar like a strangled man. Remus finds it very fitting.

He tests the chains around his wrists and ankles one more time, and finds them comfortingly tight. Say what you will about Walden MacNair, but he knows how to trap animals. From the wooden chair where he is seated, drinking bad vodka, MacNair addresses Remus a yellow-toothed grin. Remus almost wants to answer in kind, as a beast to another.

Then the moon rises, and Remus can only trash and howl. Nothing matters to the wolf but rage and hunger. There is something liberating in it which he never dared admit to anyone.

When Remus comes back to himself, MacNair’s hands are on him, stretching him with greasy fingers. Remus feebly struggles against him – not to escape, but to relish in heaviness of the chains still binding him. It makes McNair laugh.

He pushes inside Remus without anymore preparation. The pain is new and dull, a welcome relief from the lancing ache left from transformation. MacNair fucks Remus with rough, artless thrusts which go on forever. Remus closes his eyes and lets himself ride the feeling. Dust from the ground is filling his mouth, and he thinks he broke his arm again. But he’s trapped under the chains, under MacNair’s relentless weight, under the underground bunker, and being trapped means safety. Means being able to let go. It’s not a pleasure sexual in nature – even had he the energy for it after a full moon – but it’s one Remus still savours.

Remus cannot afford Wolfbane, so MacNair is his aconite. He never thought to begrudge MacNair of his side of the bargain. Beasts shouldn’t disdain on those who take their pleasures of beasts.

[ASOIAF drabble] Lies

2007-09-03T13:40:47Z

Title: Lies
Fandom: ASOIAF
Characters/Pairings: Sandor & Sansa
Length: 100 words
Notes: For redcandle17 who writes the bestest ASOIAF fanfics ♥

Learning how to lie for five years, Sansa got good at it. How to smile, how to blush, how to shadow her eyes with lashes just so, so nobody would think to question the lie.

Five years, but she remembers he said dogs could smell lies out, so she lies. Don't come. Leave me. It is safe here. I love Lord Baelish like a father. I'm so happy my betrothed will soon be back. And tells the truth.

His mouth twists in what could be a smile and he walks away.

Lies, all lies. What he said, lies too.

[HP drabble] Excellence

2007-08-29T22:44:53Z

Title: Excellence
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters/Pairings: Percy/Hermione
Length: 280 words
Notes: for cafecomics, whom I hope won't mind my tendancy to write dark-ish fics ^_^

Hermione is satisfied by nothing but excellence, and that turns Percy on like nothing else.

She's competent and controlled, working endless hours, always on representation. Has to be, being the youngest Minister ever, being the first Muggleborn.

Percy helps as best he can. He's an excellent executive and an excellent bureaucrat, and he knows Hermione appreciate the precision and the promptness of his work. He knows she relies on him, on his service. He knows she'll wouldn't tolerate any mistake. He wonders if she knows how he wanks himself dry over her desk after everyone's gone.

She's his brother's wife, it should make it worse, it makes it better. Percy's had the time to get acquainted with his own tastes, little as he likes them. Student, he would wank over teachers; freshly hired employee, he would wank over his boss; promoted official, he would wank over nothing else but the Minister. His brother's wife, it's something else, it's commonplace, ordinary. Disgraceful, but normal. It allows him to pretend it's just displaced jealousy. That it's a beautiful woman he's in love with, not with power, not with control.

Hermione is satisfied by nothing but excellence, but her own life is hardly perfect. Someday the control breaks, and it's him she confides him, on his shoulder that she lays her face on. She's warm and soft in his arms, a beautiful woman. Her hair is unruly, her clothes are dishevelled.

Nothing but excellence, so he's a perfect gentleman, a perfect brother in law. She makes up with Ron soon enough, and then she thanks him earnestly. He smiles and nods and hates her. Even she, a human being, even she, less than excellence.

[SKU drabble] Ganymede

2007-08-28T22:17:36Z

Title: Ganymede
Fandom: Revolutionary Girl Utena
Characters/Pairings: Akio/Touga
Length: 400 words
Notes: for after_nightfall, with the prompt Aquarius/Ganymede.

"May I kidnap you for a moment?"

The car is obscenely red, and the man inside just as indecent. It is nothing but the tilt of his head, the lazy suggestion of his smile, the way his hand caresses the wheel. Touga must admit inwardly that he is impressed.

He also knows the man is the acting chairman. He doesn't think of refusing.

Lights flare by the car like shooting stars in a hypnotic cadence.

"I admit you intrigue me, Kiryuu-kun."

"Why is that?" Touga's well trained in keeping his voice cool and polite.

"You've all received letters offering you whatever you dream of. Yet, you alone were interested in something different. Something plainer."

"How do you know?" His eyes widen. "It was you! You're End of the World."

The man at the wheel only smiles. The car drives faster.

"What you want is power."

So much hangs in balance. Touga says, "I'm not one to chase after chimeras. It never helps."

The man looks at him. "Of course not." He seems pleased. "You're different from the others."

Touga smiles. "Is that why you are talking to me?"

"Do you like astronomy?"

Once upon a time, on nights they camped outside, he and Saionji would watch the stars together. "Not really," Touga says.

"I'd like to show you my Planetarium. There's a constellation you remind me off."

"Really?"

"Aquarius, the cupbearer of the gods."

They go faster still. The lights blur together.

Touga laughs. "The cupbearer?"

He feels a hand on his tights, infuriatingly warm. Touga hasn't blushed in years. He won't do it now.

"A youth that was so beautiful that he was too good for the mortal world, so the lord of the gods seized him away and took him in his service."

"You want me to serve you."

The man's other hand's fingers trace the curve of his face. "There will be compensation."

How does he drive the car, Touga faintly wonders. He doesn't think of saying no. "Power?"

"Power, knowledge, communication. Something worthy of your difference."

The man's smile is very close to him, now, and Touga can taste the sourly sweet smell of roses from his breath. Touga's breathing is shallow. It is so singular, to have someone he can learn something from.

"Yes."

The car drives faster. Everything becomes dark. Touga thinks he can hear the shell of his world starting to break down.

DVD commentary : One-Eyed Man (Seishirou/Subaru)

2007-04-15T15:53:14Z

Original Fic : http://community.livejournal.com/togakushishrine/43254.html

I'm very happy sakanagi asked for a commentary of this, because I thought it was one of my most underappareciated fic.
So it started wth two togakushishrine challenges, one for "Masquerade" and the other for Painful Truth.They sorta go together these two prompts, no?

Votre âme est un paysage choisi
Que vont charmant masques et bergamasques,
Jouant du luth et dansant, et quasi
Tristes sous leur déguisement fantasques.

Your soul is a chosen landscape
charmed by masquers and revellers
playing the lute and dancing and almost
sad beneath their fanciful disguises!

Clair de Lune, Verlaine

Verlaine quotage! Verlaine's my favourite poet, and I always loved the "Fêtes Galante"'s atmosphere of ironic, desabused, fanciful decadence. It was an atmosphere I wanted to summon for the fic. Also I love describing Seishirou as a chosen landscape charmed with masquers and revellers, and almost sad beneath the fanficul disguises. Sorta fitting, no?

All monsters love masquerade, for it is the one occasion for them to walk in bare-faced, and not be recognized as such.

The Sakurazukamori was no exception.

So I start up by introducing two themes : the Sakurazukamori as a monster, the creature of legend that he is after all, and therefore not very human.

And the irony that when everyone's masked as monsters, for once monsters can walk unmasked. Which is a bit of a clichéed, but one I love. It's all about a dichotomy of lies and truth, and telling truth with lies, and lying with truth, both of which Seishirou's an expert at.

The Clover held a bal masqué for the occasion of carnival, and the jazz club was already filled with many costumed dancers. A crowd of black and white domino, extravagant, grotesque visages, and swirling satin cape. It was a very colourful, gay and enchanting gathering all around, and in mid of them a most beautiful person was waiting.

First crossover element was having the Clover as a jazz club. I don't remember exactly how that fit with the Tsubasa storyline where there's a place (café or such?) called the Clover. Clover as a manga feels with jazzy - experimental and atmospheric - and Seishirou and Subaru's mood music also fit with jazz I think, urban and melancholy.

With a grin, Seishirou wondered what kind of disguise would the Sumeragi have picked. Younger, he had often been dressed up in many ways by his sister. After her death, he had hardly ever been seen out of his monochrome outfit. Seishirou did rather miss the little red hat - besides, it would complement fittingly his own predatory outfit.

In French, a black velvet mask and a wolf were called by the same name.

Awkward. This is one of the rare element where I wish I could have been writing in French. Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf, yay. One Faery tale trope I never can get tired of.

Of course, the onmyouji might simply have chosen to go unmasked. After all, he was there for business, not leisure. How fitting to have a couple of ghosts haunting a party for Mardi Gras ! Seishirou thought it was a charming addition, and a pity to exorcise them, but he didn't make the call. And he had his own quarry to deal with tonight.

Seishirou's usual quirky sense of humour - no comment XD

Elegant shadow, he sliced easily through the mass of people, searching for his favourite prey.

There he was. Subaru, beautiful Subaru, wearing white and sorrow, a mantle of mourning grace shrouding him from the clatter around, one silver tear trailing the pale cheek. He made a piteous sad clown, or, if one had the eye for it, an exquisite grieving Columbine.

I loved crafting this line. "wearing white and sorrow", haha. Seishirou tends to totally fetishize (and idealize) Subaru's beauty and purity.

So purposefully miserable, Subaru-kun ? Hokuto-chan was right about you being very stubborn.

Awkward. Should have been formulated otherwise.

Not that Seishirou minded. Subaru bore pain beautifully.

He came closer, hand offered in invitation.

"Will you dance ?"

Subaru's eyes widened in recognition. His look embraced Seishirou, his mask, his smile, then went back to the red glove reaching toward him.

"What are you doing there ?" His voice was more weary than bitter, laid with deep suspicion. Even now, Subaru did care about what he could do, who he might hurt, and would feel guilt for any of his action. Of course, Subaru wouldn't attack him here, not where it would put people in danger. He was that kind a person.

"It's a party", stated Seishirou. "I am here to dance. With you." You never had to fear being too obvious with Subaru.

Seishirou doesn't think very highly of Subaru's intillegence, I guess XD

Confusion blurred the younger man's expression. He wanted to leave, but couldn't, surprise and speculation keeping him entrapped and uneasy about how to respond. He kept gazing at him, taking in the black and red cloth, the velvet mask, the trappings of death. Even under all the white make up, Subaru was an open book.

In case that's unclear, Seishirou's wearing the red-and-black kimono from his Tarot's card - the ceremonial dress of the Sakurazuka family - with a simple black half-mask. He might have had the scythe as well, but if so I don't know where he put it.

"What are you dressed up as ?"

That was his cue.

Little bit of the Comedia dell'Arte segue, along with the traditionnal masks of Carnival. It's a play for Seishirou, one where they know their role when and can improvize at will.

"Well, I am the Sakurazukamori."

Same line as Rainbow Bridge, of course. He's being dressed as exactly what he is, he would appreciate the irony.

Subaru blinked. "That's not a disguise."

Seishirou smiled. "Isn't it ?"

Everything's a disguise for Seishirou. Everything's a lie. Not one facette can embody the whole. The Sakurazukamori's self not all that truthful than the gentle veterinian. Who is really Seishirou?

And before Subaru could recover, he forcefully took his hand and brought him standing. "Won't you dance ?"

The white-clad man opened his mouth - probably to rebuff him with curt dryness - but then sweeping waves of music filled the place and took the words out of his lips. Down, on the Clover scene, the diva was making her entrance. And Subaru couldn't miss that, could he ?

Oh! Look! Homeric epithete XD I'm bad.

Seishirou smiled. Timing was key in any actor's performance.

More theater metaphore

Mouth set with discontentment, Subaru followed him to the dance floor.

On the scene, the singer, dressed in a green and black velvet in an outfit that Hokuto would not have disapproved of, Oruha was intoning the first silk-soft words of "Blue Moon". The deep, caressing quality of her voice had already enchanted the audience, and religious silence filled with vibrant energy swept them in a low, balancing cadence. They were so caught on the performance they didn't notice the ethereal notes layering on the melody; a counter-song, higher and more crystalline, that followed each of Oruha's words.

It's not really a songfic, I swear. Really, there's just a little bit of lyrics.

"You saw me standing alone

Without a dream in my heart

Without a love of my own"

From Subaru's intake of breath, even while he held him close, leading the dance, Seishirou knew that the younger Onmyouji had noticed it. Hard-pressed to concentrate, Subaru was moving his head uncomfortably to try to locate the origin of the voice, but teasingly, Seishirou kept twirling him around in the path of the music in a way that made things more complicated for him.

Subaru addressed him a glare taut with irritation, and he answered with a genial, innocent smile of his own.

"And then there suddenly appeared before me

The only one my arms will ever hold"

All around them, the gathered people, captivated, were already waltzing in rhythm, round and round in an intoxicating movement. Over the walls, between long emerald draperies, the wide mirrors even made the room bigger, and the assembly fuller, finishing to give the set a dream-like quality. Quite the spectacle. Against him, to his surprise, Subaru had no troubles following his lead with graceful steps. Subaru, knowing how to dance, who would have known ? Then of course, they had always been rather fitted to each others' pace.

Can you imagine Subaru dancing? XD Maybe his grandmother forced him to take lessons for some reason.

He made his partner whirl, increasing slightly the tempo, always eager to make the younger man more confused, but Subaru seemed to be in mood to answer his challenges and followed without missing a beat - making Seishirou's smile widen even more.

Pointing that Subaru's willing to play, to take Seishirou's challenges and run with it - that Seishirou's is in many ways underestimating Subaru.

"Are you going to tell me what you are doing there, now ?" The Sumeragi head said sternly. "You never prevented me from doing my work before..."

"Oh, are you here for work then, Subaru-kun ?" He answered, faking surprise. "What a pity, it would be so sad not to enjoy this little soirée. Oruha's performance is quite unique, don't you think."

Subaru's eyes glittered with anger. True anger, the kind that he demonstrated so rarely. Even now, he was an amazing game to toy with.

"You can drop the act Seishirou-san. I know who you are."

Seishirou's behaving as if nothing has changed, and that's pissing Subaru off.

"But, Subaru-kun, this evening is all about acting. Look." Catching Subaru's hands, he brought him close to him, then spread one arm in a gesture encompassing the audience dancing to Oruha's song. "They are all acting, tonight, all wearing mask. All believing in whatever dreams and delusions they've woven for themselves. They are all here to forget and pretend, are you going to spoil the event with truth ?"

We're all wearing masks, at all time. We're never showing entirely who we are. And... we enjoy the lies, we request it of others too. We call it tact, politeness, courtesy.

Caught against his chest, Subaru took a short breath before pushing back and raising again his head, looking quite put out. If his face had not been painted with white powder, Seishirou was certain he would have seen a delectable blush spread over his cheek. "Do not confuse dreams with lies."

Seishirou tilted his head, amused.

"What is the difference ?"

His opponent opened his mouth, trying to shape his thoughts into words. "They are... what the people wish... in their heart. Their own truth that no one else can judge, and find wrong. You... you're only fake." Subaru dropped his gaze to the ground, closing his fists. "A fake smile, empty. If you cannot have emotions, then how can you know anything of people's genuine dreams."

I was trying to echo one of TB's main theme, about noone being able to judge, to know anyone else, truely. "There's no others". Dreaming and wishing, pretending isn't always a lie done for the sake of manipulation.

"But that's exactly what makes me able to see the truth, Subaru-kun", he said softly, enrobing the declaration in silk gloves. "Feelings makes people blind. They make them warp the reality they perceive. The hurried salaryman who will not see the beggars in the streets. The gossiping neighbours who will not see the dark marks on a woman's face. The disobedient teenager who will not hear his parents cry. Because of their emotions, their selfish wishes, they turn their eyes away. Blithely, they will believe in their own truth, impose it to other people, wilfully ignoring what would disrupt their own little comfortable world. They only trust the lies they want to believe because it makes their life easier. Even you, Subaru-kun..."

Again, this is very TB. The ordinary dramas of modern life, the gritty reality of how much we lie to ourselves so as not having to face people's needs and distress.

In front of him the young man was watching him, wide-eyed in a moon-pale face. The dancers and the room turning, spinning, spiralling around them to the increasing tempo of the music. The people, mere high-lightened silhouettes of bizarre half-men, half-animals figures, blurring in a confusing mass that pushed against him and destabilized Subaru.

Seishirou took advantage of the momentum to take hold of him, twirling him inside his arms so as to set him with his back against his torso, facing one mirror.

"Even you Subaru-kun, you who were the most pure and sincere boy I've ever met, you did it. Because of your own idea of what was right and wrong, you lied to a woman, once, do you remember it ?"

That's a reference to the TB story "Crime" with the woman doing an inugami to kill the murderer of her daughter, when Subaru lied to her to tell her her daughter's spirit didn't want her to do violence. White lies, easy lies.

// A face in the mirror, watching him //

"You came to visit me then, feeling so sorry for what you did, unsure whether it was the right thing to do.

// Kind eyes, gentle smile, soothing voice that had been used to bring comfort - What was not //

"You did trust me when I said I would back your lie, say what you did was right."

// Anger, sudden and inexplicable - Shattered mirror on floor, looking forward to the end of the bet //

I've always wondered about that little scene when Seishirou smashes the mirror after Subaru's visit. Smashing a mirror is such a gesture of anger, of self-hatred. And of course Subaru does the same gesture at the end of Annex : Start. What is it that Seishirou doesn't like about the image he's seeing in the mirror there? Why does he feel the need to posturize in such a ridiculous, moustache twirling villain way?

And of course I always love mirror motives.

When I started this bunny I wrote a little poem for the ideas I wanted to put in the fic :

See that face in the mirror

That face with the devil’s handsome grin

And the eyes, lying eyes

Hate the face in the mirror

That says and does

What they can never do

The truth lies in the mirror

The truth lies

Broken shards in the wind

Shatter the mirror

That could never spell eternity

See that face in the mirror

That stranger’s face, those stranger eyes

That would be so familiar

Hate that face in the mirror

Words unuttered should make it better

Words scattered away

And there will be no more echo

The truth lies in the mirror

The truth lies

Broken shards in the wind

Shatter the mirror

The mirror that could not see

And here, here it is peaceful and quiet

And spring lasts forever

And the acts that you commit

Never reap their consequence

And here where it is quiet and still

The deads lie, the deads lie

And the deads tell no tales

That was never true

And here, there is no truth

Not born in illusions

And here I will take care of you

For all eternity

which I'm not sure makes a whole lot of sense, but I guess it's the time to share it.

"That's not...", Subaru stammered, struggling against his embrace, but Seishirou only clasped him tighter, more inflexibly. One of his hand coming up to stroke the Subaru's neck, slowly, and he could feel the younger man shiver against him

"Because that's what people do. You believed in my lies only because you wanted so much to believe them. Because it was the way to keep your own reality undisturbed and tranquil. Even though you should have known better. You tricked yourself Subaru-kun."

Seishirou is good at lying because he only tells the lies people want to believe. People want to be tricked. It's so much easier that way.

Even you with your jade-green eyes and your unique empathy.

Even you, you would not see what I was.

You were as blind to me as I was blind to your feelings.

And thus, you lost the bet.

One way Subaru could have disapointed Seishirou is, despite how much empathy he had for others, not seeing through Seishirou's lies. Not seeing the real Seishirou. Subaru blames Seishirou for tricking him, Seishirou blames Subaru for letting himself be tricked.

"Then what's the difference between the way I lie and the way those people lie to themselves? In the same way, they believe it because, selfishly, it is what they merely want to see.

Subaru jerked suddenly and escaped his grip.

"No ... you don't understand !" He protested. "Even if people lie to themselves, even if I did, even though... what you did was different. You trick people into trusting you when you... when you don't even know anything of what it means to..." Word failed him, again, and his gaze left Seishirou's smiling face to look away in the swirling, enthralling space. "Something wrong's happening." He said in a toneless voice.

Yeap, Subaru still has a job to do, remember?

Seishirou left him no chance to be distracted from their confrontation. He stepped toward him, and backed him against the border of the dance floor. Drapes shifted, curtains giving way, mirrors deflecting the light. Somehow their dance were taking them away from the farandole, farther into the labyrinth of their own twisted ties.

"You're wrong. Because of what I am, I can see. I can observe people as what they are. Puppets dancing to strings they don't even see, to a music they can't even hear, like tonight."

His hand brushed Subaru's cheek, moving up into short hair - half caress, half-grasp.

"No such delusions as "love" or "trust" to prevent me from seeing where's people happiness come from. That none of these relationships humans build have any permanence. That no so-called intimacy have any basis. Where people put on guises of emotions to make themselves strong enough to face the cruel and petty truth, where they dream endlessly avoiding reality, I am awake."

Firmly, now, the hand cupped Subaru's nap and brought him closer.

"As the Sakurazukamori, I am well placed after all to know that all the blossoming beauty and richness of this world only grow out of the death of the weakest ones."

Like the tree which blooms prettily out of a corpse. The Sakurazukamori protects Japan from the shadow. He sees that the wealth, the happiness of the blissful population only exists because of the people he murders. In many ways the prosperity and happiness of any blossoming middle and upper class only exists because of the exploitation of others. Won't ever stop the "nice" people from taking the moral upper ground. Again this echoes a lot of the themes of TB.

Subaru's face was now mere inches from his own, his eyes wide and hazy with confusion.

"I am the one-eyed man in the kingdom of the blind."

Seishirou couldn't resist the pun! XD But it's Subaru's who on the Hanged Man's card of X's Tarot, it's Subaru who traded one eye for wisdom and hung from the Tree for 9 ~~days~~ years. It's Subaru who sees people's inner truth. That's what Seishirou wanted from Subaru, to see. Removing the lies people tell themselves doesn't make it any clearer because the lies are part of people's reality.

And he flinched, hurt, even now, by that reminder.

Oh, Subaru would flinch.

Seishirou smiled, genially. "I suppose saying that, that's what makes me a monster."

Awkward, what did I wanted to say?

He was after all a wolf in a man's clothing. Always mimicking what only others felt, always putting on the proper mask to interact with people when needed. Always smiling - was it his fault if people mistook baring teeth for a smile ? And always using his own flesh as the melted wax in which to shape the semblance of a man - gentle veterinarian, dreadful assassin : It made no real difference.

But could Subaru see that ? He doubted it.

This beautiful and sincere man one breath away, one infinity away from touching him could hardly notice that.

How could Subaru see through an illusion when the illusion itself didn't know what was beyond ?

Who's Seishirou, beneath all of the masks. Seishirou doesn't know. If you could shape yourself to be whoever you wanted to be, would you know who you were, inside? That's why you need mirrors, why you need other people. To be recognized, to be aknoweledged.

It had been a foolish idea from the beginning, that bet.

Subaru started, a beginning shift of his lips that could have been anything, when he was interrupted by a melodious harp piece and the apparition of the girl who played it.

Kendappa-Ou appears! I'm not sure why I wanted to use her, it was a bit absurd apart from the pretty symetry of Kendappa/Souma with Seishirou/Subaru. Kendappa's a lot like a female!Seishirou! But it was a bit awkward. And i don't think I characterized her well.

He turned brusquely from Seishirou's hand, focussing his attention on the woman.

She was smiling cheerfully, her long black hair and unlikely clothing no easing the unreal atmosphere of the party.

"You're not dancing anymore. Are you not enjoying my music ?"

Seishirou smiled, picking up a cigarette to light. So, there was the party's ghost ? Interesting.

"Are you the one the cause of this ?" Subaru enquired politely. "I must ask to stop it."

"But !" protested the woman, "Eternity is boring without music." She pouted charmingly.

"She's got a point there, Subaru-kun", Seishirou said, enjoying the show. He had always liked watching Subaru work. The boy - man, now - was always so intensely feeling for whoever he was trying to help. It was always amusing to see him be passionate about something. Naturally, Seishirou now prided himself on getting the most of Subaru's passionate hatred. "You wouldn't be unkind enough to remove someone of their only entertainment in the afterlife."

I like the idea that Seishirou loves watching Subaru work in TB, that he thinks it's more fun than, you know, assassinating people.

Subaru glared at him.

"That's why you shouldn't stay here. You would better let go and pass over", he said turning back to the woman.

"I'm sorry", the woman said, smiling more wistfully. "I cannot do that yet."

"As long as you stay here, you will be more unhappy. Whatever is keeping you tied to this world, maybe we could help you in solving it ?"

Subaru sounded so serious, eyes pleading earnestly, Seishirou had to dissimulate a chuckle under a coughing fit at the (probably unconscious) "we" the Sumeragi had used. Surely he couldn't really think the Sakurazukamori would help him exorcize the ghost ?

Yeap, and you're going to, even!

The woman laughed lightly. "You are so kind, so generous. You remind me of my love. But like her, you are not strong enough to get what you want, are you ?" She shot a knowing look at Seishirou.

Seishirou narrowed his eyes. He wasn't about to contradict her assessment of Subaru, but the her offhand attitude displeased him.

Hands off, woman, this one's mine!

The woman went on nonetheless. "But you couldn't help me. There's no way from saving people from what they are. Thank you for the thought anyway." She added impishely. "Which is why you should join the dance and enjoy yourself ! There's only one night of Carnival, one night when the world in up-side-down and you can play at being someone else !"

That's another of the theme of the story. You can't save people from what they are. How fatalist! But that's why Kendappa and Souma died, so. And that's why Seishirou dies at Rainbow Bridge.

Subaru shook his head. "I am not interested in short-lived illusions, sorry. They hurt too much when they break." He smiled sadly. "Is it because of your love that you are here ?"

"Oh..." she looked at Subaru with a surprised expression. "But what if they're all that you can get ? Doesn't it make it worth it, to have something to cherish for as long as it lasts ?"

It was Subaru's turn to be taken aback. "If... of course it's worth upholding something you love for the time it can, but... not if it's a lie." He added bitterly.

The ghost smiled again. "I was right, you are very much like her. Full of integrity. By the way, I am Kendappa-Ou."

"Sumeragi Subaru. I am very pleased to meet you." He bowed formally.

"Sakurazuka Seishirou."

Well, wasn't it an interesting discussion. He was intrigued to see what it would lead to. The ghost didn't seem dangerous so far, apart from her mischievous enchantment of the gathering, and, as always, Subaru seemed more interested in helping her make her peace than sending her to rest by forceful magic.

"Was that person you loved angry at you because you lied to her ?" Seishirou asked pleasantly, dragging on his cigarette.

"Seishirou-san !" Subaru exclaimed.

But Kendappa-Ou only laughed. "No, she wasn't. Even after I had given her a killing blow, she was still trying to do her best to save my life. I wonder how she could not realize I wouldn't want to live without her."

"But then..." Subaru stood troubled by the ghost's words. "Why did you kill her if that was the case ?"

"Because... we both were what we were. There was one thing she wanted to do, and I knew she would never be strong enough to get it. I couldn't convince her not to try it, because if she hadn't wanted this, she wouldn't have been the pure-hearted woman I had fallen in love with. But if she had to die, I would prefer to kill her myself." She smiled ruefully. "Me neither, I couldn't change what I was. And I've always liked power."

I love clamp for the fact they have characters who'd rather kill themselves their love if they have to die. It's the kind of fucked-upness I adore. Nothing much to do with the fic, I know.

"And because of that, you're afraid to face her now ? That is pathetic, after all, you were both as selfish as the other." Shadows danced below the light of his cigarette as he waved it for emphasis. "Why should you feel more guilty than her ?"

He was having much too much fun with this. After all, talking ghosts out of haunting was a lot more distracting than just killing people.

Kendappa-Ou's eyes glinted. "But I did lie to her about who I was. The person she did love... I suppose it wasn't really me. I had the power to take away what she wanted, and I did. She has no reason to forgive me." All that was said in an even, matter-of-factly tone. "So, that's why I went here to do music so that people may live their dreams for one night !" She added cheerfully.

"But that's unfair !" Subaru cried out, to Seishirou and Kendappa-Ou's surprise. "You have no right to take away her decision form her like that. Even if you hurt her, even if you lied to her... you can not know how she feels now." His gaze turned inward, shining with the usual grace that always caught Seishirou's curiosity, Subaru went on softly. "You can not guess if she does forgive you or not. If she did want to save you until the last minute, maybe she's waiting for you and wondering why you're not there with her, even now. For everyone, pain and love is their own to judge, and only they can decide what to do of it." Almost, shyly, he looked back at the dead woman. "So, you should give her a chance to explain to you what she thinks. You have no way to know until you do."

Subaru is projecting lik whoa, but I think he's got a point. Never assume anything about what people think. Never make decision for someone else's stead. Actually this is still the "there is no other" theme of TB. And yeah; projecting, because Seishirou assumes a great deal about what Subaru wants and never even bother to ask, the idiot!

Kendappa-Ou looked at him, in shock. Then she laughed softly. "You're right, I suppose I was foolish and selfish again to try to make the choice in her stead. I was afraid that once I did see her again, I would loose all hopes. Oh, dear !" She put a hand against her cheek. "I've been as bad as my mother, and I hated her for never even trying !"

OMG I just characterraped Kendappa, shit, now she has to disappear in a pop of author fiat.

Subaru smiled and held a hand to her. "It's never to late." When she took it, he started incanting the prayer that would help her pass over to the next world.

"You neither, don't think you know already what's in someone's heart. Sometimes, lies and truth are not as black and white as you would think", she said, right before disappearing in a last glimmer of swirling light.

Awkward.

Without the mesmerizing melody that had filled the room, and warped space into a strange reversed world of phantasm and fantasies, the Clover felt silent and empty. Oruha could still be heard singing, a soft, plaintive tune that ringed like a nostalgic call come from far away. The folded area that had walked themselves into earlier was separated from the main dancing room, and they were alone in it.

"Love is funny or it's sad

Or it's quit or it's mad

It's a good thing or it's bad"

Still not a songific, really, Scout's honour.

"Well, Subaru-kun." Seishirou said, throwing away the cigarette butt, turned ash in his hand. "Looks like your work here is done for tonight, and I should be going to my own errands as well. If you'll excuse me." He smiled impenitently. "See you next time."

He turned around, and walked a couple of steps before Subaru's voice stopped him.

"Sei-Seishirou-san..." The younger man sounded unsure of himself, hesitant but determined nonetheless. "Wait !"

hesitent but determined, wtf?

Seishirou turned around to study the younger man's expression. "Yes, Subaru-kun ?"

Subaru took a breath and spoke.

"Yet, you do not see."

"Pardon me ?"

"But beautiful

Beautiful to take a chance and if you fall, you fall

And I'm thinking I wouldn't mind at all"

"Maybe what you said is true, maybe you are able to understand things that other people are not aware of, because of how they are entrapped in their own hopes and emotions. Maybe some things you can observe, where others are blind, but..." Subaru started out slowly before staring Seishirou directly, intensely and firmly. "And yet, you do not see. If you cannot feel emotions, if you cannot touch feelings, they are things that you simply do not know. Isn't that why you took this bet ?"

Bingo.

Maybe he had underestimated what Subaru was able to see, after all.

Told you so.

"An interesting theory. And if that was true, what do you think it would change ?" He let his tone fill with a contemptuous amusement, and in answer, was satisfied to see Subaru's determination waver.

The younger man closed his eyes, looking tired. "Maybe... I..." He paused. "The evening's not over."

Wasn't Subaru full of surprises tonight ? Seishirou wondered how much he could push him yet.

"Show me." He made it a challenge, his tone daring Subaru to even try.

Subaru's eyes widened with uncertainty, but he wouldn't let the Sumeragi the time to change his mind now, would he ? He dashed back to him, and pined him against the wall, stopping his face a few mere inches from him. Subaru had the proverbial deer in headlight look, which only made him smile all the more. Seishirou's lips brushed over his cheek before getting to his ear, and he whispered.

"Are you sure you're ready for this kind of bet, Subaru-kun ?"

Booo, Seishirou's trying to be spooky and scary, and....

The younger man took another intake breath, then to his surprise, closed the distance between them and kissed him.

... it's really not working at all XD

Not a man to leave his opponent the advantage of surprise for long, Seishirou kissed back thoroughly, claiming possession of Subaru's mouth. Soon enough, he felt the younger man becoming limp in his arm, whimpering softly under his tongue.

Good.

He immobilized him more thoroughly, then let his mouth travel down to Subaru's neck, nipping on the way, amused to feel the man's pulse under his teeth.

Subaru shouldn't forget what he is.

But once more, it seemed the young man was willing to meet any challenge he gave him, and timid hands touched him back, trailing down his shoulder and winding into his hair.

Seishirou looked up to meet Subaru's gaze, wondering. What could the other onmyouji be thinking to accept this, from him, the man who killed his sister, and to give back in kind ?

Lots of things, that Seishirou does not see.

Subaru's eyes were clear but fathomless, as always. He gave him a shy, sad smile, and the fingers in his hair fell back to his face, startling Seishirou. Subaru however was merely removing the black wolf mask which he had totally forgotten.

Symbolic much?

Under his touch, Seishirou's flesh did not feel like wax at all.

Under this touch, Seishirou might even feel real.

Again, the idea that we exist because we're seen, we're aknowledged by others.

Whatever was the cause for Subaru's strange mood, he had better take advantage of it.

He got back to the business of kissing the younger man unreservedly.

"But beautiful

And I'm thinking if you were mine

I'd never let you go

And that would be

But beautiful

I know

Love is beautiful

I know"

oOo

The music had faded away for a while now. The crowd of masks and dancers gone, like a dream snuffed out with the first lights of dawn.

Gone the illusions, the wishes, the one time fantasies that had filled the night with melancholic joy. Only remained dirt and crumpled paper masks on the ground to be scrubbed and carried away by the morning cleaning crew.

There's another poem at the end of Verlaine's Fetes Galantes, which has this atmosphere. "Te souvient-il de notre extase ancienne? Pourquoi voulez vous donc qu'il m'en souvienne?". Crumpled dreams and hangover

Seishirou had warped them both in a maboroshi to avoid that crew, some moments ago. And despite the indolent contentment of laying against a warm body, he had better roused himself back to awareness.

Subaru was sleeping, of course, he had made sure of that. He had his own job to do tonight and he didn't want the other onmyouji to stand in the way of it.

Stroking one last time, Subaru's feather-soft hair, Seishirou got up and dressed.

The task had been delayed far too long already.

He found easily his way to the diva's lodge. Within it, Oruha was still shedding away her show's garments, sitting in front of the dressing-table's mirror.

She saw his reflection, a looming shadow in the door's frame, and smiled at him.

Mirror, mirror

"Good evening !" She said amiably. "Or should I say good morning ?"

"Hello. Looks like you've been waiting for me ?" He was intrigued.

"Yes, of course." She smiled, in spite sadness overflowing her expression. "I've always known this day would come."

"Another one of your power ?" He narrowed his eyes.

She nodded lightly.

Like in Clover, Oruha knows the hour of her death. Like in Clover she's being assassinate for raison d'état.

"You're not going to fight, then ?" He was smiling congenially as he was walking further inside the room.

"No", she said, very softly. "That would be pointless, wouldn't it be ? This was fated."

He nodded beyond her. "As long as you live, this will keep happening. Other spirits, even from faraway universes, will find their way across to here. Some might be more dangerous than the last. There are some people who decided to remove that threat."

"Still", she said, and there was nothing giving, nothing crushed in her expression. "I've had my fun. It was a nice party, wasn't it ? I hope you enjoyed yourself."

He smiled. "Very much so."

"I'm glad."

He was amused. "You don't seem to be very resentful to me."

"No. You can not help what you are, can you ? It's like blaming the scorpion for biting the turtle while she leads him across the river. This is just the way that things are."

You can't save people from what they are. Even if it's self-destructive.

"Yes", he echoed. "That's the way things are." He put a hand over her chair. "What about the other ghost ?"

You did remember Seishirou said there was two ghosts at the beginning?

"Suu won't bother you. She was merely waiting for me." She smiled. "She said last time it had been the other way round, so she wouldn't want me to feel lonely."

"That's why you let her sing with you."

"I like singing with her. It's sad to sing alone." Another sharp look that he ignored.

"If you say so."

He stroke.

Blood sprayed on the mirror.

To his other sights, the woman joined hand to the young blonde girl and they both disappeared into the light.

Oruha/Suu ♥

He looked at his reflection thought the thick distortion of blood. Nothing to see, really.

What if there's nothing beyond all of the masks? Nothing at all?

He smashed the mirror for good measure.

Lightning another cigarette, he walked out of the Clover.

After all, the Sakurazukamori lied to everyone.

But he never lied to himself.

Nothing to hope, nothing to dream for. That would be the painful truth, or is it just another lie?

[HP fic] Paper Cuts

2007-04-09T22:11:44Z

Title: Paper Cuts
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters/Pairings: Percy/Draco (mentions of Percy/Oliver)
Warnings: non-con, graphic sex
Summary: After Voldemort wins the war, Percy does what he must to survive and tells himself it really could have been worse.
Length: 2,000 words
A/N: Much love to kethlenda for the emergency beta she did for me ♥

(the fic )

[HP drabble] End of time

2007-02-27T22:40:44Z

Title: End of time
Fandom: Harry Potter
Length: 100 words
Characters/Pairings: Snape/Lupin
A/N: Written for snupin100's "By the Sea" challenge

(Let's got to the sea)

[HP ficlet] Rotten love

2007-01-24T21:30:11Z

Title: Rotten love
Length : 574
Characters/Pairings: Remus/Snape
Warnings: Present tense, semi-graphic sex
A/N: For stoicstella's birthday. Sorry it took me so long. I hope you like it ♥ Much love and hugs to you.

Love doesn't vanish, it rots. It festers unnoticed to a putrid root, black and shrivelled, coiled, misshapen and twisted like a mistreated child. Yet alive, hungry, wanting.

You can spend your life like this; burying love under your breast and letting it turn sour, never acting on it, never paying attention to it. Remus is good at lying, he can lie to himself. He can think that love ignored is love extinct. He can walk and talk and teach and shop, without anyone being the wiser. He can live, he doesn't need to be full, he doesn't need to be filled.

It's not like it makes sense, his love for Snape. It's not like he wanted it. It's so absurd it's seems like a joke. Ha, bloody ha. A few gropes as teenagers, a couple of quick shags in war time, it shouldn't have left him with such longing. It's not like Snape is a prize. It's not like Remus is desperate.

Yet, he is. Desperate for Snape's presence, his stare, his touch. So sharply aware of Snape's body that he must be very controlled and very flippant whenever he talks to him. He hates how helpless, how powerless love makes him, but at least he can control how he reacts to it. He neglects it stubbornly, wearing on his mildest demeanour.

He put love in a dusty storeroom at the back of his mind and hoped to forget it. Just another secret to keep in the dark. Time passes, and he doesn't change, really. Years wear the same wearied smile, the old washed out jokes. He's being frenetically normal and average. At the back of his soul, love rots away and grows sour and toxic with anger and spite.

He thinks it's funny, how fitting his love becomes to Snape. Just like him, it thrives despite any care, on dry, derelict ground nurtured by disdain and sarcasm. Every time he meets Snape, it's like a thick, bilious drop of venom leaking through to feed his love. It's not worthy of that name anymore - if it ever was - this obsession. It is bloated and pungent and ready to explode.

Then it does, and Remus does too. He pushes Snape against the wall in the middle of a diatribe, and he bites away the words onto his lips, and he kisses away his breath onto his throat, and he eats away his blood onto his skin. He tastes it, this fetid, intoxicating taste of his love. Like an exotic mushroom, he thinks. It could be poison, or it could be hallucinogenic, or the rare, precious flavour for a delicate meal. He doesn't know which and doesn't care much.

Snape doesn't say a word, his head is thrown back against the wall, biting at the palm of his hand as if he knew what it was to hide your love away and let it rot. Remus opens up Snape's dark robes and eats more of the smell. He sucks Snape's cock and licks Snape's scrotum until Snape's come floods his throat, and he can feel a little bit sated.

He lays his head against Snape's concave stomach and breathes in the smell of his pubis. He's painfully hard.

Remus chuckles softly. The taste in his mouth is bitter and vile and delicious. He thinks it's an acquired taste, like things like whiskey and smoke and coffee. He already knows it is just as addictive.

[HP fic] Sins

2007-01-10T22:40:11Z

Title : Sins
Lenght : 700 words
Characters/Pairings: Bellatrix/Andromeda
Warnings: Mythological references like whoa.
Author's Note: Happy birthday, kethlenda! I hope you like this little gift.

She was waiting for Andromeda in the bedroom, quiet and dark, sitting on the bed. The shadows were kind enough to hide the worst of the years and the worst of Azkaban. It was been eighteen years since last she had seen her.

"Hello Bella," Andromeda said, as she sat besides her.

Bella turned to look at her and laughed dryly. It was the same hollow, reckless sound it had always been. The same as Sirius' laughter. She found the thought stealing breath from her throat.

"I've seen your daughter tonight," Bella said, as if resuming a conversation. "She looks very handsome. Although, not very stable on her feet." She smirked. Her teeth glinted in the moonlight, making her look vicious and beautiful like a fierce animal.

"If you ever touch my daughter again," Andromeda said, "I'll hunt and kill you."

Bella laughed again.

"Your own sister, Andi? You wouldn't. What is it that you used to say?"

"No man is so accursed as the kinslayer," Andromeda recited. There was no softness in her voice.

"Yes, exactly." She looked at Andromeda with a sneer. "Did you think I would stop at one more sin?"

Had Andromeda thought so? Yes, she had. She'd prayed for it, too, fifteen years earlier, when they had found Regulus' body.

"How sweet of you, but-" Bella bent down toward Andromeda to whisper at her ear with a warm, poisoned breath, "there is one sin even worse. It is the eating of the dead. Do you remember? You told me all about it, the banquet of Tantalus and the curse of the Atrides. It was my favourite story."

Death Eater, they called themselves. They who bowed only to one Lord.

Andromeda put her hand around her sister's wrist, steeling herself. This was not a time for games and tales. "Why are you there, Bella?"

Bella looked at her without smiling. Maybe the moon was brighter, because Andromeda could suddenly see the lines and the waste left by fourteen years of prison in despair. Oddly, Bella still looked striking, as if her beauty was made for ravage, and stood stronger, brighter in the mid of desolation.

"They took my husband away, your daughters and her friends. Took him back to the hellhole."

Andromeda lost her patience. "Get away from here, Bellatrix, before I forget that you're my sister."

Bella's laughter, then, was quiet and bitter. "Are you the only one allowed to care for her husband, Andi? Will you be the righteous one, then? Electre bright and angry calling for the just revenge of murder? Will your little Nymphadora be the lucky Orpheus, to be hunted away by the Kindly Ones until she goes mad?"

God, no. Not that.

"You're the one who killed blood." Andromeda didn't know if it was for Sirius or for Bellatrix that she grieved so much.

"Traitor blood," Bella replied automatically.

"Blood nonetheless."

"I didn't mean to!" Bellatrix cried with anger. "I would have done it, though. I would have! But that idiot couldn't even dodge a blasting spell, and-"

Andromeda laughed suddenly, struck with the absurdity of it all.

"Hush, sister." She reached for her sister's face and wove her hands into her hair. "I would bury you both and grieve for both of you, against the will of either Lord or Ministry." She said, staring into her sister's eyes. "But Sirius left no body and you're still alive."

Bella relaxed under her caress as she always did as a child.

"Then you will bury me, promise me Andromeda."

"I promise," Andromeda said gravely.

Bella fell down onto her lap like a big, boneless cat while Andromeda's finger wove themselves deeper and deeper into the tangled curls.

Bellatrix said not another more word, all through the night. Not even when her hands danced across Andromeda's breasts and tights, rough and impatient, nor when Andromeda's tongue slid inside her sex to taste the flavour of kin. Another sin between them, much sweeter than all the others.

In the morning she was gone, and it was the last of her Andromeda saw of her until the end of the war.

Which was another story.